Hellcat versus LOLCat

Every car editor in any of NAFTA countries must be begging to take a ride -a wild one- in the brand new Dodge Challenger SRT Hellcat. Yours truly, that used to work for car magazines, would make a return just to try this 707 horse power hell of a car.

But before the Chrysler Hellcat is available for testing matters, a comparison.

LOLCat vs. Hellcat

(Note: This entry is a joke)

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What is it?

LOLCat. A tender creature in flesh and blood (and hair) that could make you smile except when he destroys your furniture

Hellcat. A beast made of metal and plastic (mostly), that sometimes will draw a smile in its owner’s mouth, except when it’s out of order in the repair shop

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Scientific name

LOLCat. Felis hilarious

Hellcat. Felis infernales

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Price as tested

LOLCat. Usually, for free. That’s, half of cheap

Hellcat. $65,000 dollars. That’s 1/5 the price of the Ferrari F12

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Performance

LOLCat. Goes from zero to out of this room really quick

Hellcat. Goes from zero to too fast really quick

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A proof that he or it has too much power to accelerate

LOLCat. His paws will slip until this feline is out of your reach

Hellcat. Tarmac speed won’t catch up tires spin until the Hellcat is well out of law

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Threat for human kind

LOLCat. When sit on your lap, watch out for his sharp nails if he gets frightened and suddenly escapes

Hellcat. When accelerating, better watch to keep the car between the ditches

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Proof of his or its willingness to be badass

LOLCat. Can kill a bird or mouse and, after that, won’t show any remorse

Hellcat. Can pass any other but two or three cars on the road (really exotic ones, of course), with plenty of delight for his driver

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Diet

LOLCat. 6 ounces of meat or dry food daily

Hellcat. Dozens of gallons of high octane gasoline, sipped from oil from countries that most US (or Mexican) citizens can’t place on a map

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Proof his owner is proud of owning him or it (1)

LOLCat. The huge amount of photos of the LOLCat that the owners shares in the Internet

Hellcat. The not so few tales the owner shares in a bar about street challenges ending, most of the times, with the rival, in great frustratioin, left eating Hellcat’s dust

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Proof his owner is proud of owning him or it (2)

LOLCat. Owner will tell every other guy willing to hear that his LOLCat is the most tender thing in the whole World

Hellcat. Owner will tell every other guy willing to hear that his Challenger Hellcat has even more horse power than a Lamborghini Aventador LP 700-4. To be exact, seven more

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Behavior

LOLCat. Mostly mischievous

Hellcat. Mostly naughty

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Possible moods

LOLCat. Tenderness, boredom, annoyed, pocker face

Hellcat. Devilish and cocky (provided the gas tank isn’t almost empty)

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Reasons to hate-love him or it

LOLCat. His sand box usually stinks, but you forget it when he purrs

Hellcat. It outaccelerates almost every other thing in town, but the tires, converted to smoke and black stripes, will need frequent replacements

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Probably you’ll want to get rid of him or it when (1)…

your LOLCat destroys your furniture, for the fifth time

your Hellcat threatens to make you bankrupt, every time you replace the tires

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Probably you’ll want to get rid of him or it when (2)…

you decide to take your relationship the next level with someone who’s allergic to cat’s hair. Either LOLCat’s or regular cat’s

your new significant other says your Hellcat is a major source of liability, not a fun source

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What kind of friends him or it will attract

LOLCat. Someone who goes from exclaiming “Aah!” to “How hilarious!” when staring at your LOLCat

Hellcat. Someone who will ask you to be driven around the block really fast and, if you accept, will go from exclaiming “F*ck!’ to ‘Sh*t!’ when trying to hold on to the seat

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No LOLCat was harmed in the making of this comparison.

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